


The Mighty Avenging Turtles

by Kaishakai, Winter Waters (mystmae)



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Brief NCIS ref because Gibbs is just that awesome, Coulson really is evil and sneaky, Gen, Minor crackfic, TNMNT References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-23 01:44:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/616686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaishakai/pseuds/Kaishakai, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystmae/pseuds/Winter%20Waters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers really do love causing havoc but what happens when Fury gets fed up with the team's antics and how does he make them pay? This is how, of course, and hilariousness ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mighty Avenging Turtles

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Avenger Chronicle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/676000) by [Kaishakai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaishakai/pseuds/Kaishakai), [Winter Waters (mystmae)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystmae/pseuds/Winter%20Waters). 



Tony ducked as Clint chucked a plate of spaghetti at his face. "What the hell, Katniss?"

Clint looked at him with his puppy eyes and innocent expression of 'what did I do'? "It wasn't me."

"Seriously, you're going to lie to my face Braveheart?" Tony gasped and grabbed his arc reactor in mock hurt. "I was looking right at you when you threw it."

"Braveheart? Tony, you're running out of nicknames." Clint laughed and got a mouth full of applesauce.

"What the …applesauce?!" Clint cleared his mouth.

There was a small gasp and Clint turned to see a junior agent staring at him with wide eyes. "Agent Barton- I- I am so sorry, I didn't- I mean…"

Clint gave the kid a grin that was loaded with evil intentions, "Gibb's rule number six, never apologize- It's a sign of weakness."

"Seriously, you're bringing Leroy Jethro Gibbs into this? You do not invoke that man's name in vain, you better back it up or his spirit will forever glare at you and you will become brain damaged by the imagined head slaps." Tony reported solemnly.

"I know, I do not invoke the Great Agent lightly." Clint responded in serious agreement. "I live by his rules."

There was a glint of mischief in Clint's eyes and the younger agent let out a muffled squeak. Everyone gets warned about Agents Barton and Romanoff on their first day so he knew what that look meant. The junior agent turned and ran, diving around Captain Steve Rodgers as he tried to escape.

Steve turned when the younger man bumped into him and glanced to see Clint with an unholy grin on his face as he charged down the aisle. He held his hands out in hopes of stopping him from doing too much damage but a rope of sausage links wrapped around his neck, choking him.

"Not so fast, Cap," Natasha growled, pulling the links tighter.

"Nat?" He winced when the links tightened but sent up silent thanks that it was sausage links and not her thighs. That meant she wasn't too mad. "Look, I'm sorry about the pizza, I didn't mean for it to happen but Bruce surprised me and I didn't mean for it-"

She hissed and let loose, coming around in front of him, holding the links out, and twirling the two ends. There was a large stain covering the front of her catsuit, going down into the crevice where the top gaped. "You will pay."

Clint smirked as he watched the two dance but he frowned when he saw the junior agent was almost out of the door. Natasha and Steve were blocking his path and there was no way he was going to let the little punk escape. Looking around, he saw a tray still sitting on the table ahead of him and he smirked.

Running, he jumped up onto the table, landing on the tray which went skidding down. He whooped as he bent to get more speed, angling it to jump to the next table. "Woo, cowabunga, dude!"

He went flying off the edge of the table and grinned as he plowed into the agent who'd dared to throw applesauce at him.

Tony snorted as the scene unfolded in front of his eyes. When Clint stood up with a victorious foot on the junior agent's stomach in a Captain Morgan's pose he just laughed, "That was radical, Michelangelo."

Clint grinned at the new nickname. "I seriously love that name. He was always my favorite growing up."

"Well, you do embody him with your great gnarly pranking moves." Tony nodded. He turned and watched Steve and Natasha dance around each other more. There was a flying sausage link here and a 'Now, wait, Tasha, it was an accident' plea there.

"In continuing this discussion," Clint said pressing harder into the struggling agent underneath his foot, "Be still, Probie or I will set you on fire, I haven't done it in a few weeks now. Like I was saying, if I am Michelangelo than that makes you Rafael."

Tony mused at this as he side-stepped a flying watermelon. "I can accept that. His superior sarcasm skills do remind me of my own. Steve would be Leonardo, just because he is so uptight and annoying like Leo."

Clint scooped up a handful of mash potatoes and chucked it out towards another agent. Tony turned and fired a spoonful of gravy, protecting his friend's back. "That would make Bruce Donatello." Clint said, leaning down and wiping his hand on the still trapped agent's shirt.

During the course of their discussion, Nat and Steve made their way over to them. They were more focused now on throwing food at the other agents than Nat trying to kill Steve with sausage links. "What the hell is going on?" Steve asked as he ducked a piece of flying bread.

"Leonardo, you should not use such language. It is not befitting of your character." Tony gasped. "Neither of them, really. The great Captain America is supposed to be a prude you know."

Steve stared at him wondering who the hell Leonardo was. Natasha stopped him asking by snorting.

"So, who does that make me? I'm assuming that you're Michelangelo, Tony's Rafael, Steve is Leonardo, and Bruce is Donatello. That makes me who?" She said, daring them to call her the rat.

Tony and Clint stared at one another for a minute before both turning to her and saying at the same time, "Casey."

She looked at them for a moment, considering. She easily ducked a flying orange before nodding. "I can live with that."

There was more flying food and while it started as a free for all, it slowly became S.H.I.E.L.D. agents versus the four Avengers. Natasha wielding her sausage nunchaku while Steve had picked up the very tray that Clint used to surf on and began using it as a make-shift shield. Clint stayed standing on the junior agent as he turned anything and everything, including silverware, into deadly projectiles. Beside him, Tony was laughing manically while he pelted the other agents. He silently wondered where Bruce had suddenly disappeared to.

Against the odds, the Avengers were somehow winning and Clint crowed victoriously as he hit Agent Sitwell when their fun was interrupted.

"What the hell is going on in here?!" A voice thundered.

Everyone turned to the doorway just in time to see Director Fury get hit with a face full of Sloppy Joe mix. He held a bashful looking Bruce by the collar of his shirt while he glared balefully straight ahead of himself. "Who wants to tell me why the fuck I have an organization full of agents acting like a bunch of high school Breakfast Club rejects throwing food around on my multi-billion dollar helicarrier?"

"Oh, I want to be Judd Nelson's character!" Tony exclaimed in fake excitement while everyone else fell deadly silent and the other Avenger's exchanged quick looks. As a unit, they began creeping away from their positions. Clint headed for the nearest air vent and stealthy removed the screws while Natasha hugged the closest wall and began creeping towards the exit, drawing an embarrassed looking Steve behind her.

Tony, meanwhile, stood in the center of the cafeteria, the junior agent cowering at his feet while he held a handful of what looked like a glob of potatoes, corn, and green beans, a look of utter betrayal on his face. "I guess that answers that question," He mumbled before he slapped a hand to his chest, unmindful of the contents as they splattered across the front of his Black Sabbath shirt as he exclaimed mournfully, "Donatello, how could you?"

Bruce shifted and a dull flush crept up his neck as he wrung his hands. "Director Fury had already been alerted of the, uh, disturbance and we just happened to run into each other when I was trying to get back to my quarters," The scientist said apologetically. "When he saw me covered in food though, he insisted I accompany him back here."

"Yes, and it seems that there is not enough work to go around if my agents find the time to engage in a food fight. I find my feelings are hurt that I was not invited," Fury stated flatly. "I guess this means I should assign more tasks."

"First of, Captain Hook…no that name doesn't quite fit. You're Mad-Eye Moody…no that's not it either…" Tony muttered, thinking to himself.

"Mr. Stark…" Director Fury growled.

"His name should be Shredder." Whispered a voice from above.

Tony snorted as Fury cleared his throat and spoke into the silence. "Avengers, I believe we need to call a meeting." Natasha was almost out of the door, slipping past Fury and Bruce unnoticed, and Clint was pulling the cover over the vent when Fury called out, "That includes you, Agent Barton. Agent Romanoff, I'm sure the Captain will ensure you'll be there."

Steve and Natasha froze. Steve rubbed the back of his head and nodded while he flushed a bright red. "Of course, Director."

Clint, meanwhile, froze with the vent only an inch from being shut. "Shit, the Shredder has found us out."

"I'm sorry, but the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles do not listen to Shredder," Tony quipped and looked down as he belatedly noticed the mess he'd created. He frowned as he bent to wipe his hand on the junior agent still curled in a fetal position. "Though we aren't teenagers, well, Barton might be, so I guess that'd make us the Adult Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Then again, none of us are mutants, well, okay, maybe the Other Guy is since he was exposed to gamma radiation and everything so that might make Banner a mutant and the jury is most definitely out on Natasha because those killer thighs really are killer and we all know Steve got his powers from a lab and Clint's eyesight really is beyond human…hmm, so I guess the mutant can stay but we are most certainly not turtles and the only ninjas are Barton and Nat. Maybe the Adult Mutant Superhero Humans? Nah, the Adult Mutant Superhero Squad…no, still doesn't feel right…." He turned to Fury with a serious expression. "What do you think?"

"I think," Fury began, his voice tight with veiled anger. "That you and your teammates should adjourn to the meeting room."

"Ah, but once more, we do not answer to Shredder," Tony shrugged. "People tend to get a bit touchy when their heroes listen to the bad guy, isn't good for their image for one thing, plus if the Good Guys listened to the Bad Guys, wouldn't that make them Bad Guys, too?"

"Stark, enough," Fury growled.

"Avengers, my office."

Tony turned to see Coulson standing in the doorway behind Fury who practically had a strangle hold on Bruce now. He opened his mouth to give a snappy comeback but Clint hissed at him from inside the air vent.

"Dude, listen to Splinter-san, it is not a good idea to question him," The archer warned. "He will taser you and leave you to drool on the carpet while he watches Super Nanny."

"Hmm," Tony nodded his head decisively. "Yea, I do not want to experience that again. Let's move team, we don't want to piss off Splinter-san, do we?"

Coulson's lips didn't so much as twitch. "Go now, Rafael," He ordered before turning to Fury and suggesting calmly. "If you would release Donatello, Director Shredder?"

"You called him Shredder, Splinter-san. How long were you standing there and how the hell did you hear us?" Tony asked walking beside Coulson to his office.

"If I'm Splinter-san, than it wouldn't be wise of me to tell you all of my trade secrets, now would it? You must learn for yourself, my son." Coulson replied stepping aside as the team filed in and joined Clint who dropped out of the vent and onto the bookcase under it. If this was a meeting with both Coulson and Fury, he wanted an easy exit strategy.

By the time Director Fury entered, he was fuming. "I want to know who started the fun and decided that I was not invited. It seriously hurts my feelings! It hurts my feelings so much, that I do believe that the next time the Fantastic Four wants to take a holiday for another wedding, we will let you pick up the slack. Maybe I will even suggest to Dr. Reid that they should take the weekends off, and the Avengers will pick up the slack."

"Answer." Coulson commanded when no one had spoken.

"Now, Shredder," Tony sighed, "If you want to switch to the winning side, things can be negotiated."

"Stark…" Coulson murmured with a warning.

"In all seriousness, I have no idea who started it. All I know is that Clint…" Tony went to explain only to be interrupted by Clint's clearing of throat, "…I'm sorry, Michelangelo threw a plate of spaghetti at my head and I ducked."

"I did not throw a plate of spaghetti at your head Rafael; I was throwing it at Sitwell." Clint explained.

"And what, pray tell, did Agent Sitwell do to you?" Fury dared to ask.

"He stared at me for longer than the allowed three seconds." Clint smirked.

Coulson sighed as he rubbed his head hoping to make the headache go away.

"He even acts like Splinter-san." Tony leaned over to whisper to Clint.

"Agent Romanoff, would you care to explain you and your deadly sausage links?" Fury chose to wisely ignore Barton and Stark at the moment.

"Steve hit me with pizza." She uttered with a renewed death glare thrown Steve's way. "He managed to drop an entire pizza on me and I do not appreciate having pizza sauce and cheese shoved down my bra. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get tomato sauce out of satin and lace?"

"Wait, you actually have a bra on under that?" Tony glanced at her with an appraising look. "And here I thought you went commando. And satin and lace, really?"

Everyone chose to ignore him as they focused on Steve who immediately shot back with, "That wasn't my fault! Bruce ran into me and knocked the plate out of my hand."

Everyone turned to the mild-mannered doctor, "Why is everyone looking at me? Donatello never does anything." Bruce said with wide-eyed innocence.

Tony fought back a laugh, "So, clearly, it was no one's fault."

"Oh, so, the food just started flying by itself?" Fury exclaimed.

"Well, since we are now the Mighty Mutant Superhero Squad, that is entirely possible." Tony said throwing out another name.

"You know, Tony, I think the Avengers have a better ring to it." Bruce sprouted off.

"Well, old is new than. Avengers we stay. Oh, the Mighty Avengers." Tony clapped his hands and stood up. "So, we done? I have a hot date with a certain long-legged red-haired beauty."

"Sit down, Stark!" Coulson and Fury demanded at the same time. With a sigh, Tony dropped back into his seat.

"Who started the fight?" Fury asked again.

"Fine, I'll find out." Tony huffed and pulled out his phone. He quickly typed in commands and hacked into S.H.E.I.L.D. network. He commanded Jarvis to find the feed of the cafeteria and rewind to the beginning of the food fight. What he found made his eyes widen in disbelief. He passed the video feed to Clint.

"Oh, Splinter-san, you are an evil, sneaky, gnarly mutant-rat spirit indeed."

Fury turned and looked at Coulson. "What the hell is he talking about? What did you do, Agent Coulson?"

Everyone gathered around Clint to see the cafeteria footage and gaped when they saw Coulson, Philip James Delaware Coulson, eye the Avengers who were eating at their own table, well away from any other agents. Steve and Bruce were making their way to where the others sat, Steve holding a pan of pizza while Bruce trailed behind him, keeping a wary eye on the other agents who were eying him just as warily.

They watched as Coulson looked down at his tray which held a bowl of sliced watermelon, a sandwich, and a plate of salad. And then they all gaped when Coulson calmly stood, hefted his bowl of watermelon, and chucked it straight at Bruce. Bruce looked over just in time to see the bowl coming for him and he stumbled to the side to avoid it, only to bump Steve, causing the Captain to drop the pan directly onto Natasha.

They all watched with horrified awe as Coulson then turned and tossed his salad at a woman who they recognized as a senior agent who sat with a bunch of junior agents. The salad splattered over her and onto the man sitting across from her, who immediately stood and looked around. He happened to catch the eye of one of the computer analysts and mistakenly assumed he was the culprit. From there, the match was on.

At a table across from the Avengers, Sitwell was staring at Coulson who just happened to be situated directly behind Clint. Not realizing this though, Clint took it that Sitwell was staring at him and so chucked his plate at him, seeing as to how the food fight was now in full swing.

"Dude," Clint stared up at Coulson, wondered awe on his face before he split out with a giant grin. "I knew you were behind some of those pranks! You're the one who really set Gamble on fire, aren't you? You really are Splinter-san."

"Who is Splinter-san?" Steve finally said, not looking at Coulson. He knew better than to question a superior officer and he was sure that there was a good reason for him starting the food fight. So, for now, he wanted to know what everyone was going on about. "Who is Leonardo and Rafael and all these other people?"

"Seriously?" Clint turned to Steve. "The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"

Steve frowned, "Tony mentioned those earlier, too. What are they?"

"Man, you really need to be brought up to date," Clint grinned, "I had no idea you were this far behind."

"Time to educate him now," Tony snatched his tablet back. "JARVIS, this is an emergency. Que up the first season of TMNT, stat."

"We are not quite through here yet, gentlemen," Fury interrupted, reminding them that he was still in the office with them.

"But Agent's the one who started it," Tony defended. "You really can't punish us for something he started- we were just following his lead, after all."

"Be that as it may," Fury continued and the Avengers all looked warily from one to the other when they saw the spark of amusement in his eye. "There will be disciplinary actions taken. And I think I have the perfect thing in mind."

~Next Day~

"I cannot believe this," Natasha grumbled as she leaned against the wall. She pulled out a knife and began scraping under her nails.

"Whatever you're planning, count me in," Clint muttered from beside her.

"I don't care how messy, I'm with you," Bruce added as he crossed his arms. "Actually, the messier the better."

"I don't know, this is actually pretty cool," Tony grinned. "Radical, even."

Steve actually rolled his eyes as he shifted uncomfortably, "This is far from cool and nowhere near radical."

"You are dressed as overgrown turtles," Natasha glared at him. "And I am dressed as freaking Jason Voorhees."

"Kinda fitting actually," Tony snickered before he frowned. "Wait, I thought Fury banned you from carrying anything other than the hockey stick?"

"'Never go anywhere without a knife'," Clint reminded him gravely. "Beside, you want to be the one to strip her of her knives?"

"Good point," Tony nodded and looked around at them.

As part of their 'disciplinary actions' Fury thought it was fitting for them to dress up in the 'roles they found fit to play and act out in his multi-billion dollar ship that is not a toy'.

As such, Clint, Steve, Tony, and Bruce were all painted green and stuffed into turtle costumes with props fitting their characters. But the absolute best came when Coulson came walking down the hall.

He wore a brown monk's robe and he was painted brown with hair attached all over and pointy brown ears poking out from his wig. He even had a rat's snout attached to his face. And…was that a tail hanging from his robe? It most definitely was, Tony mused, it was a pink rubber rat's tail.

"Oh, this just went from radical to being totally tubular," He chuckled.

Clint turned to see what he was talking about and while he didn't grin, there was a definite glint in his eyes. "Ah, Master Splinter, it's good of you to join us."

Coulson shot him a blank look as he adjusted his robe matter of factly, looking for all the world like he was dressed like a normal human. "Of course, Michelangelo." He turned to the rest of the group, "Is everyone ready for a 'shell' of a time?" He asked with a straight face and turned to lead them out to the gymnasium full of elementary school kids.

Steve's face went pale under the green paint when the doors opened and he saw the number of kids present. "Okay, I'm in on whatever you have planned."

"Yes," Natasha nodded sagely. "And Coulson is most assuredly going to suffer right alongside Fury."

"Oh yea," Bruce nodded as they made their way into the room. "If only Director Fury was here and dressed as Shredder." He murmured to the rest of the group.

"Then we'd have good reason to be attacking him," Steve replied. "The kids would actually be expecting it."

"Yes, they won't even realize the blood is real," Natasha nodded. "We'll just say that he's staying in character until all of the kids are gone."

"I want my bow," Clint whimpered.

"Come on, my Mighty Avenging Turtles, let's show these kids just how radically awesome we are," Tony grinned from ahead of them.

The group fell in line behind him and Natasha glared from behind her hockey mask. "I'm thinking of adding Tony to join them."

"Agreed," The other three men chorused as Tony began introducing them.


End file.
